Cactus Jack (1979)
Shhhh... I'm hunting a pwot line...

Jo and I rented this film as Jo had fond memories of seeing it as a child. Perhaps somethings are better left as fond memories.

Ostensibly a comedy western in the style of Cat Ballou or Blazing Saddles, the film follows the eponymous Cactus Jack, a hapless outlaw, (Kirk Douglas) as he attempts to steal money from a wagon ridden by a Handsome Stranger (literally the characters name and played in affably wooden style by a young Arnold Schwarzenegger) and Miss Charming (played by Ann-Margret's bosom, although technically the rest of her is along for the ride). The reasons for this were explained at the outset of the film, although are effectively irrelevant and never referred back to and instead the remainder of the plot is passed as a series of c-grade Looney Tunes gags played out without the speed or charm of the originals.

And that's pretty much it. A jittery native American chief called Nervous Elk (played by Paul Lynde - better known in the UK as the Hooded Claw from Penelope Pitstop) pops up briefly and somewhat pointlessly towards the latter third of the film, but the viewers ability to enjoy the film will basically revolve around whether you find someone hamming up excruciating jokes and being flatten by paper-mache boulders amusing.

The only thing that makes this film the least bit impressive or entertaining is Cactus Jack's horse, Whiskey. A superb example of animal training leaves him as a genuine sidekick to the witless and fairly mirthless anti-hero protagonist. A clever horse though is not enough to save this film as one of the worst I've seen since Batman & Robin*

Score 2/10

* - still my benchmark as the worst film I've ever seen.

© Barny Russell 2005